Maria Ramos Chertok

Writer, Workshop Leader & Coach

  • Workshops
  • Coaching
  • Writings
  • The Butterfly Series
    • Video
    • Testimonials
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Register
  • About Maria
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Contact
You are here: Home / Archives for Blog

September 16, 2020 By Maria Ramos-Chertok 2 Comments

Skin Care that Cares: An Interview with Balandra Fregoso

This is my fifth Gemstones piece, a blog post featuring people who lead with an open heart and work to uplift others. I’m honored to have the chance to introduce you to the work of Balandra Fregoso.

You are the Executive Director of Parent Services Project, a social worker, and a mother of two boys.  And in your parallel life, you are a consultant with Beautycounter doing work around safe cosmetics. Tell me about your decision to add that to your already full plate?

I started a side business with Beautycounter in November 2019, a company based in Los Angeles, whose mission is to get safer products into the hands of everyone.  Before I started working as a consultant, I’d been using their products for three years. I’ve really loved working with Beautycounter because they are not just about selling personal care products, they are about health and education. 

The Beautycounter mission has three parts:

  • Education
  • Advocacy
  • High quality, high performing products

Because of my social work background and interest in health and well-being I’ve found this very satisfying because I get to educate folks and make real change.  Just today I got an email that the California Toxic Fragrance Chemicals Right to Know Act has been unanimously passed and that happened in large part because of Beautycounter and the 50,000 consultants all over the U.S and Canada.

What do you want folks to know about this work?

Part of the way I reach out and focus on the education piece, is to let people know that the U.S. had not (until August 2020) passed a bill re: the safety of beauty products since 1938.  When I first learned this, I was horrified.  

Companies have over 80,000 ingredients they can use in creating their products.  The Safer Fragrance Bill is so important because fragrance is really tricky.  If you look at your hand soap or body wash and read the ingredients, you’ll see the word “fragrance.” Fragrance is a trade secret and that means that companies don’t have to disclose the ingredients in fragrance, which could include things like lead and formaldehyde, which if we knew about, we would not put on our body.  

One of the many things that sets Beautycounter apart as a company is that we’ve banned more than 1,800 harmful or questionable ingredients from our products.  That’s important because there are many studies that link heavy metals and toxic chemicals to various diseases and not a day goes by when you don’t hear of someone having cancer or an auto immune diseases where the diagnosis about the root cause remains undetermined or inconclusive.

My interest in food and health is connected to this work because if I am going to be aware of not eating gluten, sugar, or other potentially damaging things I put in my body, I also have to be aware of what I put on my body.

What are some ways you recommend for people to learn more about safe products and how to assess whether they are using them?

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) has a skin deep database and they evaluate over 10,000 products for health and safety.  

You can download the free EWG Healthy Living app, a great resource that you can use at home or in the store to scan products and find out more about their safety rating.  If a product is not in the database, that could mean the company has not given permission for its ingredients to be listed.  That is a cause for concern.

On the app there are three color ratings:  green/yellow/red, each of which contains more data on each ingredient listed on the product.

You can also download the Social Mission Report published by Beautycounter

Beautycounter is conscious about not using child or slave labor, thinking about the environment, putting everything into glass, and offering more refillable products.

Tell me what you love about working as a Beautycounter Consultant and how readers can contact you.

Beautycounter gives me the education and information I need to talk more about this issue.  I think of myself as a “promotora” (Latina peer health educator).  I tell folks, “you might want to think twice about that sunscreen…”, b/c sunscreen is a widely used product that people often don’t think about as something that could be harmful.

Working with Beautycounter is another fun way I feel I can make an impact in improving the health and well-being of people’s lives.

People can look on my website and get more information.

I also do pop-ups.  Kind of like a modern-day Tupperware party, but more fun.  Before Covid-19, they were in-person gatherings and friends would host and invite friends.  I’m now hosting ZOOM pop-ups.  It’s fun.  You can invite friends and family who don’t live in the area and the hostess gets a few thank you products.  

I also post on Instagram (abfregoso) and Facebook.

What’s the biggest change you have made in your life as a result of getting involved in this work?

One thing that being involved in Beautycounter has done is bring more self-care into my life.  Through this work I’ve connected to other women who are committed to getting these products into the hands of other people.  I now take pride and enjoy my morning self-care ritual and that self-care piece was really missing in my life, especially as the mom to two young boys. 

Also, the advocacy is a big piece of the work and companies are having to step up their game as they see people responding to Beautycounter’s mission and consumers demanding more transparency.  

As a social worker I’ve always been involved in community organizing and social justice work and this is another way I can use my voice and skills to help people take care of their work.  Studies have shown that some of the cosmetic products marketed to women of color, such as skin lighteners, dyes, hair relaxers, and nail polish, contain some of the most concerning chemicals used in cosmetics, including known hormone disruptors and carcinogens. 

One of my personal missions is to focus my efforts and outreach to women of color because it’s important.

If someone is reading this and thinking, they want to get more involved, how can they do so?

One of the best ways to advance the mission is to join Beautycounter as a consultant.  For anyone that feels compelled to get more involved, I’d be happy to have that discussion.  Just reach out to me at bfregoso@gmail.com

What else are you doing these days?

I am the Executive Director of Parent Services Project and we’re celebrating our 40th anniversary, which is a big deal because the founder Ethel Seiderman’s vision is stronger than ever and I’m trying to move it forward in this COVID world.  I’ve been at Parent Services Project for five years.  I am also a mom of two boys doing distance learning and still trying to hold on to self-care by making time for myself.  

Filed Under: Blog

September 9, 2020 By Maria Ramos-Chertok 10 Comments

Ciao, Adios, See Ya!

I’m writing this post between Labor Day and Mexican Independence Day , two holidays that oddly converged in my life in 1988.  

Labor Day makes sense to me.  I’ve always worked.  I got my first job delivering papers a few years after my parents’ divorce, sometime around 12 years old.  It was clear to me then, as it is now, that if I wanted money, which was in short supply in my house, I’d have to get a job.  After that, I worked as a waitress at the Purple Pickle, behind the counter at Dunkin Doughnuts, giving out free samples at Yogurt Delight, as a hostess at Villa Roma Pizzeria, selling men’s French and Italian clothing at Papillion, as a camp counselor for developmentally disabled adolescents, selling women’s high-end lingerie at Le Printemps, and a cocktail waitress at Kutchers in the Borscht Belt.  That was all before college.  I then worked every semester and summer during undergrad and two out of my three years at law school. Given all this, it was odd for me to move to Mill Valley later in life and have moms ask, “Do you work?”  I sincerely had no idea what the alternative was.

Despite having had many jobs, leaving each job was unremarkable, with one exception.  

It was my first job after graduating law school, $60K in debt from the loans I’d taken out to pay tuition.  I figured I could work making the big bucks for two years and then find my dream job in the social justice world.  I remember sharing my deep reservations about working at a corporate law firm with a college friend.  

 “What are you scared of?” he asked.

“That I’ll lose myself.”

“Don’t worry about that.  If you lose yourself, you’re not who you think you are, so it won’t matter.”

I accepted an Associate position at a corporate law firm located on San Francisco’s Embarcadero.  

The experience was mind-numbing.  My daily bookends became a morning Cinnabon and an evening vodka grapefruit. Nestled in between were cookies and sandwiches from Specialty bought to feed the new Associates at our weekly gatherings.  I worked on construction defense, tobacco litigation, and failed Savings and Loan cases.  My output was unimpressive, I was uninspired.  After a mere forty-five weeks there, my spirit dulled, I knew I could not last a full year.  

I gave a month’s notice mid-August. My last day would be Friday, September 16, 1988.  I had no idea where I’d go or how I’d make a living.  People began to ask about my plans.  When I shared I had none, they balked. 

Clarity is a beautiful thing when you have it.  I was steadfast in my vision that my only goal in life was to extricate myself from the hell of representing tobacco companies in wrongful death litigation while sitting at a long table with colleagues chain-smoking cigarettes.  (Yes, in 1987 and 1988, that was legal).  Beyond exiting, nothing mattered.  

On my last day, as I walked the halls at 5 pm to say meager goodbyes, I passed an office where several men were sitting around in a somewhat festive spirit.  I poked my head in to bid adieu and they waved me in.  

“Come have a shot of tequila. It’s Mexican Independence Day!”

Had I any fears about my future, that moment erased them all.  Even though I sadly did not know much about the history of Mexican Independence, I was sure that the Mexican people who fought and died in battle weren’t imagining a group of white corporate lawyers sitting around doing shots of tequila to commemorate the blood and sacrifice of their struggle.  

I declined the offer.  They insisted.  I insisted they not insist.  I hadn’t lost the me I thought I would:  she was here taking me by the hand to the elevator to descend to the ground floor.  

Ciao, Adios, See Ya! I left.  To this day, that is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  

Here’s one site to learn more about Mexican Independence Day.  The fact that their struggle parallels with today’s battles for equity won’t be lost on you, and may you never be lost on you either.

Photo credit: rawpixel.Fotolia

Filed Under: Blog

September 2, 2020 By Maria Ramos-Chertok 5 Comments

What’s True for YOU?

I do a lot of work with women experiencing various types of life transitions, in part because I’ve been through so many myself.  It can be a confusing time:  What to do? What to think? How to step into the unknown? What to anchor you?

When I get on a coaching call with someone feeling overwhelmed by all the mental chaos, it’s easy to get caught up in the swirl of uncertainly.  But I try to resist and instead reframe the conversation by saying, “There’s a lot you don’t know.  And, there’s a lot you do know.  Let’s take a minute to focus on the latter.”

Right now, I’m feeling my own chaotic swirl.  It’s causing me to feel scared about the future – yes, November 3rd.  I’m caught in the limbo of sixty-two more days before election day. Yet, when I stop and ask myself what I know for sure, I find my breath.

What do I know for sure?

  • The U.S. was built on an ideology of white supremacy, that runs through its core.
  • The core of this country’s racism is being exposed for all to see, many who never came close to knowing it or seeing it.
  • The truth is the truth.
  • Election day is just another day.  The struggle won’t be over on November 3rd.
  • It’s gonna get ugly, which is the only way through.
  • I’m scared and that’s just how it is right now.
  • This is not the first time in history when people have had to fight for justice.
  • I feel good about the side I’m fighting for, proud of it, committed to it because when I see who’s at my side, I smile.

It’s a good time to look within and anchor yourself with what you know to be true, both about yourself and the world around you.  It’s easy to get pulled in by the forces of chaos, but it helps if you put a stake in the ground.  

What’s true for you?

PHOTO by Michael Carruth www.unsplash.com

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: anchoring, breath, chaos, election day, justice, november 3 2020, truth

August 26, 2020 By Maria Ramos-Chertok 18 Comments

Got Hope?

I set my alarm for 8:30 AM. Not sure why — I had nothing to do.  It just felt like a good time.  Truth be told, I was up at 7:30 AM, but laid in bed until 9:00 AM.  My first work call was at 11:45 AM, so I had plenty of spaciousness.  I was exhausted even after being in bed for hours:  fires all around, more warnings of lightning that could spark new fires, evacuation plans, a call from a friend who tells of friends in the Santa Cruz mountains who’ve lost everything, Republican National Convention creating a false “reality.”  Why get out of bed?

As I stumble across the bedroom floor, my seventeen-year-old son comes in.  Happy, enthusiastic, full of life, dancing even.  He’s been listening to Cardi B.’s new song, WAP (Wet Ass P***y or as Alexandria Ocasio Cortez refers to it, Women Against Patriarchy).  He’s shaking his bootie and joyful.  I’m dazed.  “How can you be so happy?”  I ask.  “It’s one day closer to the end of Covid!” he yells.   That was a paradigm shift for me.  Talk about optimism.  So, yes, this post is about hope.  Hope in the face of everything telling you there’s no good reason to have it.

I have the book The Audacity of Hope on my bookshelf.  I haven’t read it yet, but I like knowing it’s there.  More than that, I like the title.  Audacity, noun, “a willingness to take bold risks,” as the online dictionary tells me.  It really does feel bold to have hope right about now.  

I think back on other times in history when things felt bleak and there are many, so this period in life is yet another opportunity to fuel ourselves with the only thing we can all muster free of charge, 24/7, day or night:  Hope.  I’m realizing that it’s the only thing that kept our forebearers moving ahead.

What gives me hope today:

  • Seeing the multiracial makeup of the young folks who take to the streets to shout black lives matter and the care they are showing each other by offering medical support, water, and eye rinses to dilute the impact of tear gas.
  • The first woman of color nominated as vice president of the United States:  Kamala Harris.
  • The orchid buds on the two plants in my bathroom that are growing despite the smokey air they breathe.
  • The firefighters who tirelessly work to save our lives and our homes.
  • In a desperate kind of way, the Lincoln Project.
  • My two sons getting up and going to online school, doing homework, even while they say it’s hard and they hate it.
  • Seeing a six-week-old baby on zoom and all her family members gathering to greet her into the world, cooing soft words, awe struck by her tiny toes.

What gives you hope?  Name it.  Write it down.  Thank it. 

Hope is our lifeline to the future.

Photo by ShonEjai www.pixabay.com

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: black lives matter, hope, Kamala Harris, online school, WAP, wildfires

August 19, 2020 By Maria Ramos-Chertok 4 Comments

Interview with Ruth Behar, author Letters from Cuba

This is my fourth Gemstones piece, a blog post featuring people who lead with an open heart and work to uplift others. I’m honored to have the chance to introduce you to the work of Ruth Behar.

What inspired you to write this book?

It’s a story I’ve been carrying around with me for a long time. It was the same with my earlier novel, Lucky Broken Girl, which was based on an experience from my childhood. I seem to carry stories with me and then a day arrives when I finally set them down on paper.

Letters from Cuba was inspired by my maternal grandmother Esther’s story. She was the first of seven siblings to make the immigrant journey from Poland for Cuba. She had to beg her father to let her be the first to go to Cuba. He had wanted to bring her younger brother, but she convinced him that she, as the eldest, should go first, and that even though a girl, she would work hard and help him with the difficult task of saving up enough to buy steamship tickets for the whole family. I thought it was amazing that my grandmother played a key role in saving her family from an almost certain death in the Holocaust. 

In my author’s note, I talk about a photograph that hung on the wall of my grandmother’s apartment in Miami Beach. It was a picture cherished by my grandmother of her grandmother. It took me years until I finally asked, “Who is this woman?” and my grandmother told me, “This was my grandmother, who I couldn’t save.  She decided to stay in Poland, where she died.” She died at the hands of the Nazis.  My grandmother lost her grandmother while I was fortunate to grow up with both my grandmothers. That memory of my grandmother’s loss stayed with me.  As I was writing Letters from Cuba, I knew Esther’s grandmother wouldn’t to make it to Cuba. The sorrow was a backdrop to Esther’s happiness in helping to bring the rest of her family to safety.

You are a cultural anthropologist.  What kind of research did you do for the book?

I’ve researched and written extensively about the Jews of Cuba and about Cuban Jews in the U.S.  I knew about the Jewish immigrant experience from my research and from listening to family stories, but I didn’t know what everyday life was like for a young Jewish immigrant in Cuba. My maternal grandfather told me he’d eaten only bread and bananas to keep kosher. This led me to wonder— How did Jewish immigrants find ways to mesh cuisines? I wondered what it had been like for them to learn Spanish. And I realized that these Jewish European immigrants were experiencing new cultures and religions, especially traditions with African roots. What was it like for them to hear, for the first time, the batá drums used in Afro-Cuban rituals? To conjure that experience, I went to the town of Agramonte, where most of the novel is set, and got a feeling for life there and also did research on Afro-Cuban rituals. I had to use a combination of research and imagination to make the story come alive. 

The Jewish immigrant journey via Ellis Island is well-known. But little is known of the Jewish immigrant story in Cuba. There was an immigrant detention center at Triscornia, across from the port of Havana. That’s where immigrants were processed in the 1920s and 1930s. My grandmother told me how scared she was when she arrived all alone to Cuba and was taken there. Her father was delayed and she feared he’d never come for her. Fortunately, he finally arrived and she was released. She got to work right away, never forgetting that her mission was to save her family in Poland. She was so brave to make the journey across the ocean by herself, not knowing what the future held.

What would you want to say to your grandmother about the book?

“Thank you.  Gracias.  Gracias a la vida.”  Or another way of putting it, “Baba you took this chance, this risk.  Thank you for the life it gave me.”  

We are all living with such uncertainly now and she lived with a different type of uncertainty:  taking a ship across the ocean, hoping her father would find her, hoping she could work, not knowing if she would ever see her family again. Tremendous uncertainty that she experienced day to day.  And yet she was determined to get her family to safety in Cuba. For that, I say “gracias.”  I wouldn’t be here if not for her.  

I have an altar next to my desk with pictures of my ancestors and I’m looking at my grandparents right now. My grandmother was such a strong woman and she loved to read and sing and give speeches and she encouraged me to read and write more than anyone else in my family.  The book honors her spirit, courage, resilience.

She lived to be 92.  She lived the longest of my four grandparents. I was so lucky to know them all. But she was the one I knew the best.  I spent a lot of time with her. I’d make her sad because I’d visit her in Miami Beach and then go to Cuba and she’d wonder why I was going to Cuba and not spending that time with her.  She was concerned that I was carrying too much in my suitcases, bringing gifts to people in Cuba, and she thought I’d get a hernia (a “kileh” in Yiddish).  Looking back, I feel guilty that I wasn’t the best granddaughter for not spending more time with her.  Now, as a mother, I feel so sad when my son leaves after visiting. I remember the tears in my grandmother’s eyes when I get tears in my eyes as my son says goodbye.

Some say that young people don’t read books as much as previous generations.  What are your thoughts and experiences regarding young people and reading?

After the publication of Lucky Broken Girl, I had the chance to meet a lot of young people who read the book.  I find that kids in the 9 to 12 age group are very excited about reading.  They love the physical form of the book itself, and enjoy opening the text, reading the pages.  A few years ago, as part of the Miami Book Fair, the bookstore, Books & Books, donated books to several schools and the level of joy I experienced with kids running up to me, asking for their copy of the book to be signed, was amazing.  I didn’t have a lot of books growing up, all my books were borrowed from school or the library. Having a book of your own was very meaningful, and that continues to be true for immigrant and working-class kids. When they get to hold and keep a book, it’s a huge gift.

Many authors are writing books for kids now.  I didn’t realize just how much children’s literature had expanded and developed in the last thirty years until I became part of the children’s literature community.  Authors are writing about characters that have not been seen before in literature, offering perspectives on the lives of young people of diverse backgrounds.  The organization and movement, WE NEED DIVERSE BOOKS, has been a crucial force in advocating for books where all children can see themselves and feel they belong, feel they are visible and respected, and loved.

As a child, I read Pipi Longstocking, Nancy Drew, and Treasure Island, and while I enjoyed the adventures they conjured, I didn’t feel visible in these stories. Now, for example, if you are Mexican-American, you can find many books with characters you can relate to.  Many other identities are also represented in the new children’s literature. For example, Monica Brown creates great characters, such as Lola Levine, who is American, Peruvian, and Jewish.  There are many more reading options for kids, they have many more ways of finding themselves in books.  Another great example is a book I just read, Yo Soy Muslim, a beautiful picture book about a Mexican Muslim father who introduces his child to their unique culture with its mixed ethnic and religious roots. 

I think kids are reading.  They are supported by an incredible community of educators and librarians who spend their summers, and any other free moments, reading new books to share with their students.  At an ALA (American Librarian Association) meeting a few years ago, where I was introducing Lucky Broken Girl, a librarian came up to me and said, “I know the perfect child for your book.”  I was so impressed that she knew the kids at her school that well. She knew which book was right for each child.  We have a community of teachers and librarians who are helping to bring the love of books to children and giving them the opportunity in school to read both assigned books and books they get to choose on their own.  Kids need time and space to read joyfully, so they can expand their imaginations.  I love that kids will tear through a book when they are enchanted by the characters and the story.

What’s the pivot to writing for younger people been like for you given the first part of your career as an anthropologist was spent writing for and educating adults? 

I’ve spent a lifetime trying to sound smart in academia, which hasn’t been easy for me. There is a child in me who wanted to tell stories and write poetry, and I had to silence her for a long time.  Anthropology required me to document experiences and maintain a strong commitment to academic discipline.  Discipline is the key word there.  Academic professions discipline you to think and write a certain way.  I was aware of this from the start, but I thought the sacrifice of my creative voice was worth it, because I wanted to be a professional traveler.  Anthropology gave me a framework for embracing the world, and gave me the opportunity to travel and spend time in Spanish-speaking countries.  I feel joy hearing the Spanish language, and anthropology has allowed me to live in the language in Spain, Mexico, Cuba, and other places.

Eventually I realized that there were stories I wanted tell that I needed to write as fiction.  I spent a decade trying to write an adult novel that is in a drawer.  Then I gave myself the freedom to write from a state of innocence, allowing myself to be a kid again.  There was something so empowering about that.  Lucky Broken Girl spilled out onto the page and it made me feel that maybe I could do more writing from a child’s voice.  I liked writing with that voice and for a middle-grade age group, which is a magical time between childhood and adolescence.

My next book will be told from a boy’s perspective and it’s loosely based on my son and how I remember him as an eleven-year-old.

I’m still doing anthropology, teaching and attending conferences.  While I am writing fiction now, I think about my two middle grade novels as anthropology for kids.  Both books are about the intersection of cultures and religions, and they introduce kids to an anthropological way of thinking about the importance of honoring diversity.

What else do you want to share?

When I was writing the book, I did not know there would be a pandemic, but I was thinking about immigration:  the wall that Trump wants to build; kids and parents being deported.  These issues were very much on my mind and I thought about how my grandmother went through an immigration experience where she was separated from her family and worked so hard to reunite them. Maybe, I thought, I could tell herstory as historical fiction and offer it as a mirror to understand young immigrant children who are crossing the border today. I was so upset by the images of kids in cages and wanted to respond.  I felt that Letters from Cuba would help readers to better understand the plight of immigrant children arriving from Latin America. Esther’s hope of finding refuge for herself and her family in Cuba is not so different from the hope that kids have today who are trying to come across the U.S.-Mexico border.

When I think about the pandemic, it’s the uncertainly that is so difficult to live with.  Uncertainty is another theme in the book.  Esther doesn’t know what’s going to happen next.  She’s writing to her sister, Malka, without knowing if she’ll ever see here again.  How do you live with that much uncertainty and still be resilient and have faith that things will be all right?

Some of the nicest words about the book were offered by an educator in Michigan who said, “May every person that reads it, grow to understand the hardships of those who seek refuge and share kindness with all people.”  This is what the book is about:  being kind to those seeking refuge.

Having a home, a refuge, should not be a privilege, but a right.  If you don’t have a place to be at home, that is painful and terrifying.  This time of the pandemic is a time to think about what home means and how homelessness hurts all of us. 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: #cuba, #diversebooks, #ownvoices, jews in cuba, ruth behar

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • …
  • 7
  • Next Page »

About Maria

Bio

A graduate of UC Berkeley and the University of Pennsylvania School of Law, Maria was a fellow with the National Hispana Leadership Institute, where she attended the Center for Creative Leadership and Harvard School of Public Policy. She received her mediation training from the Center for … Read more...

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn

Recent Blog Posts

  • 2020 Year-End Reflection December 31, 2020
  • Strange Times November 25, 2020
  • Gemstones: An Interview with Gen Z Advocate Haleema Bharoocha November 18, 2020
  • Seek First to Understand… November 11, 2020
  • How are U? November 2, 2020

Copyright © 2021 · Log in