My dear friend texted to ask if I wanted her to bake me a round challah for the Jewish New Year. I was elated. “Yes, tell me what time to come pick it up.” We agreed on 5:00 pm. I stopped on my way over to pick up a bouquet of flowers. She was just arriving home as I pulled up and parked. I jumped out of the car with a smile, feeling grateful to have this generous person in my life. I handed her the bunch of red roses, orange gerbera daisies, and yellow alstroemerias, hoping to elicit a smile.
“You haven’t heard,” she said looking into my eyes.
“Heard what?” I replied reflexively, as on cue, not even thinking.
“Ruth Bader Ginsberg died.”
“NO! NO. No. No…”
I stared at her.
“We will remember this day for the rest of our lives,” I said quietly.
She agreed. We were now forever a part of each other’s herstory.
I took the beautiful challah and got back into my car. Driving alone, my mind started reeling: Abortion. We’ll go underground. More women are doctors now than when abortion was illegal years ago.
The November 2020 election came onto my mental screen: the results will likely end up in the Supreme Court. The tears welled up. It was all too much. But this was not the time for tears. Action is needed. Yet, imagining a Supreme Court deciding in favor of 45 was more than my heart could hold. I began sobbing and could not stop. I made it to my house and parked in front, unable to walk down the flight of stairs to my front door. Slouched over the steering wheel, I cried and cried. Ten minutes later my husband returned home and found me howling.
“What’s the matter?”
“Haven’t you heard the news?” I asked. “Ruth Bader Ginsberg.”
“Yes, I have. It’s bad. It’s only going to get worse,” he said before stroking my hair and inviting me inside. Marrying a truth teller has its moments.
Inside, my oldest son consoled me with a hug. He knew better than to say, “It’s going to be okay.” He said those five words after the 2016 election, and I gave him an earful.
My younger son said, “Jewish law says that anyone who dies on Erev Rosh Hashanah is a Tzaddik. Write about that in your blog post. A Tzaddik.” He said this to comfort me, referring to the Jewish label for a person of great righteousness.
One of the reasons for a round challah is to remind us of the circular nature of the year and seasons. For me, it’s a reminder of the cyclical nature of life: recurring ups and downs; new life and eventual death; happiness and sadness.
This is a season for grieving. I’ve come to accept that there is no consolation for me. Yet, it does not feel like the time to cave into my sadness. Ruth modeled that so well. She used her life force to fight for what she believed to be just, kept her mind strong, and her body in shape.
So, in RBG’s memory, I’ll ask myself three questions as I move through the Jewish New Year 5781:
- Am I using my mind to advance justice?
- Am I doing my very, very best?
- Am I keeping my body healthy so I can do what I’m here to do?
I hope these questions fuel me toward righteousness till the very end, in honor of her greatness.
Rest in Power RBG.
Photo by Jen Theodore www.unsplash.com
KATIE DANZIGER says
Thank you for sharing this. I have resolved to everything I can to positively effect the outcome of the election and use RBG’s never-ending strength as a model and guide. The stakes are too high.
Maria Ramos-Chertok says
thank you, Katie! you are one of the first people who came to my heart when I heard that RGB had died. I know you are out there doing great work.
Gary Friedman says
Beautiful Maria, clear eyed and determined traits that you and RBG share
Maria Ramos-Chertok says
Thank you Gary. So good to see your post and know you are out there.
Diane G Paschke says
I’m also feeling so disjointed and lost these past several months…..such a challenging time for all of us!
The notorious RBG was an incredibly empathetic and caring individual who always fought the good fight. Oddly enough, when I learned of her passing, I immediately went to You Tube and viewed each and every one of the SNL impersonations of Justice Ginsberg over the years, performed by Kate McKinnon, a talented SNL member. I laughed until I cried. It felt so good to just do that. I would also recommend viewing the documentary – RBG. So well done!
Wishing you Marie and the family a very happy Jewish New Year!
Hugs, DD
Maria Ramos-Chertok says
hi DD – so great to hear from you! I loved the documentary RGB and I did re-watch some of it shortly after her passing. Thank you for reading and commenting. We miss you.
Teri Stevens says
Thank you for this post Maria. For sharing your wisdom and that of your family, as well as and the thoughtful questions you ask yourself. We should all do the same. I love that your younger son pointed out that RBG is a Tzaddik, a word I’ve never heard of until today. Thank him and you for the lesson.
Maria Ramos-Chertok says
hi Teri – thank you for reading and commenting! Yes, tzaddik…I will thank him.